How can I stop being attracted to deeply damaged men?


My father was an abusive alcoholic and everyone I have been involved with in recent years has had addiction issues. How can I escape this negative pattern?


Looking back over the past 10 years, I have noticed that everyone I have been involved with has had problems with addiction and been emotionally unavailable. My father was an alcoholic and, towards the end of his life, a deeply disturbed, psychotic man. I have often wondered why the men I am attracted to mirror the way my dad was towards me. I remember the pain his abusive and neglectful behaviour caused. I want to move away from these negative patterns that I keep repeating in adult life.


Now when I feel attracted to someone, I think they must be damaged in some way. How can I navigate the complicated path of finding a wholesome, life-affirming relationship if my internal radar “beeps” for the wrong one every time?