How can I stop being attracted to deeply damaged men?

我怎么样才能避免自己被伤害过的男人所吸引?

My father was an abusive alcoholic and everyone I have been involved with in recent years has had addiction issues. How can I escape this negative pattern?

我的父亲是一个有虐待倾向的酗酒者,近几年来和我交往的每个人几乎都有成瘾问题。我怎么样才能够摆脱这种消极的问题呢?

Looking back over the past 10 years, I have noticed that everyone I have been involved with has had problems with addiction and been emotionally unavailable. My father was an alcoholic and, towards the end of his life, a deeply disturbed, psychotic man. I have often wondered why the men I am attracted to mirror the way my dad was towards me. I remember the pain his abusive and neglectful behaviour caused. I want to move away from these negative patterns that I keep repeating in adult life.

回顾过去的10年,我发现和我在一起的每个人都有成瘾的问题,而且在情感上都很难相处。我的父亲是一个酒鬼,在他生命的最后时刻,他变得精神错乱,成为了一位心理疾病患者。我常常想,为什么那些吸引我的男人总是和我父亲对我方式那么的相似。我很难遗忘他的辱骂给我造成的痛苦。我想摆脱这些消极的状况,这种在我成年之后一直困扰我的状况。

Now when I feel attracted to someone, I think they must be damaged in some way. How can I navigate the complicated path of finding a wholesome, life-affirming relationship if my internal radar “beeps” for the wrong one every time?

现在,当我被某个人所吸引的时候,我想他们一定在某些方面受到过伤害。如果我内心的雷达每次“嘟嘟”发现地都是一些错误的人,那么我怎么才能在寻找一段健康、积极人生的关系的复杂道路上顺利前行呢?